The Crate Escape, Inc.
500 Industrial Drive
Suite 559
Naperville, IL 60563

630-579-1220
Fax: 579-1226
click to send us email

open monday through friday
hours: 7AM - 6PM

ENROLLMENT PACKAGE

When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in my way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. All other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing your paw print in the middle of MY plate and food does not stake a claim making it YOUR plate and food.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help in your quest to reach the bottom first, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think that I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to one another, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge of the door and try to pull it open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Honest. Also, I have been using the bathroom by myself for quite some time--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

I can't stress this one enough -- kiss me, THEN go smell the other dog's/cat's behind. To pacify you, my dear companions, I have posted the following notice on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and then Complain About Our Pets

1. The pets live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why it's call "fur"niture.)

3. To you, our pets are just animals. To us, they are an adopted son/daughter who happens to be hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

4. Dogs and cats are better than kids because: ---- they don't ask for money all the time ---- they are easier to train ---- they usually come when called ---- they don't hang out with drug-using friends ---- they don't need a gazillion dollars for a college education, and ---- if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.

Thanks, The Management

'Patience & Tolerance'

Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it
still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the Jaguar, the Cougar, the Mustang, the Colt, the Stingray, and the Rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the "Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God:
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it, or after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
driver's license and registration.
9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".
11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house, not after.
13. I will not throw up in the car.
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.
16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
And, finally, My last question . .

Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

California Dogs of Halloween

Thanksgiving Dogs

We are alone, absolutely alone on this chance planet: and, amid all the forms of life that surround us, not one, excepting the dog, has made an alliance with us. -Maurice Maeterlinck

A dog is a dog except when he is facing you. Then he is Mr. Dog
-Haitian Proverb

You can run with the big dogs, or sit on the porch and bark.
-Wallace Arnold

If you are a dog and your owner suggests you wear a sweater...suggest that he wear a tail.
Fran Lebowitz

What feeling do we ever find to equal among human kind a dog's fidelity!
-Thomas Hardy

It is fatal to let any dog know that he is funny, for he immediately loses his head and starts hamming it up.
-P. G. Wodehouse

A dog has the soul of a philosopher.
-Plato

The dog is the god of frolic.
-Walt Whitman

My little dog- a heartbeat at my feet.
-Edith Wharton

In a dog-eat-dog world,
it is the dogmatic domain
of dog lovers
to offer dogdom dog's chance
to rise above the dog days
for a doggone good time.
-American Kennel Club Gazzette

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
-Edward Abbet

The dog was created especially for children. He is the god of frolic.
-Henry Ward Beecher "Proverbs from Plymouth Pulpit"
 
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. -Robert Benchley

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. -Josh Billings

The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him, and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too. -Samuel Butler

Every dog has his day. -Miguel de Cervantes

What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. -Dwight D. Eisenhower

The dog is mentioned in the Bible eighteen times -- the cat not even once.
-W. E. Farbstein

The silent dog is the first to bite.-German Proverb

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, "What's in it for me?"
-Lewis Grizzard

In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog. -Edward Hoagland "Dogs and the Tug of Life"

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
-Aldous Huxley

Pet a dog where he can't scratch and he'll always be your friend.
-Orville Mars

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -Groucho Marx

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as a dog does. -Christopher Morley

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways.
-Ogden Nash

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. -Ogden Nash

Thus every dog at last will have his day -
He who this morning smiled, at night may sorrow;
The grub today's a butterfly tomorrow. -Peter Pindar

It's funny how dogs and cats know the inside of folks better than other folks do, isn't it? -Eleanor H. Porter "Pollyanna" 1912

The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs.  -Jeanne-Marie Roland

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. -Andy Rooney
 
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. -Andy Rooney

That indefatigable and unsavory engine of pollution, the dog. John Sparrow

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. -August Strindberg

The dog has seldom been successful in pulling man up to its level of sagacity, but man has frequently dragged a dog down to his.
-James Thurber
 
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog. -Harry S Truman

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man. -Mark Twain
My little old dog:

A heart-beat at my feet.  -Edith Wharton

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